Queerplatonic, fluffy Aziraphale and Crowley. I’ve always read both of them as entirely ace — mostly because of the “sexless unless they make an effort” line — and their relationship is no less wonderful and compelling for it. 300 words. G
After they moved to the South Downs, Crowley tried to train his houseplants to attack the books that lined the walls and stood precariously piled on every flat surface in the cottage and seemed to appear underfoot at all of the worst possible moments. (He suspected that they were there as a sort of leftover, instinctual wile-thwarting, but he wasn’t going to ask. Also, Aziraphale kept hiding his spray bottle.)
It was not, overall, terribly successful, although one philodendron developed an inexplicable fondness for cocoa. Houseplants aside, the Arrangement continued much as it had for millennia, except in slightly closer quarters. The village duck pond had become much more crowded as of late, and the local newspaper (apparently April was a slow month) had begun reporting on an imminent town-wide bread crisis.
Crowley was cycling through a variety of hobbies, the most recent of which involved large quantities of good wine, his slick new computer, and rude replies to news segments and music videos* and clips of cartoons. Aziraphale, on the other hand, had taken up good works by volunteering at the local library.
“They haven’t the least respect for books, my dear. If you saw it as well as I did, you’d be just as horrified. And they come in asking if we have ‘ebooks.’ Books are not ‘e’. That’s rather the point of them.” Crowley, busy rewording a sufficiently incendiary retort to a video about pastel-colored animated horses, nodded. Aziraphale patted his shoulder and leaned over to squint in confusion at the dancing animals on the screen. “That’s one of yours, is it?”
“What, it wasn’t one of yours?”
They both stared at the screen for a long moment. Crowley, deciding that enough crimes against grammar were enough, posted his reply.
* This was rather more difficult than it sounded, considering that every one of them was sung by Freddy Mercury.